my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
