Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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