Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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