K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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