Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
