I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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