she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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