she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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