hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
