I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
