I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
