when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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