Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
