sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
