This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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