that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
