This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
