So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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