no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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