Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
