would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
