that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
