weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
