Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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