I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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