I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
