dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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