I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
