some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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