Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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