We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
