Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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