would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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