dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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