oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
