No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
