i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
