My liver just broke up with me...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize