so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
