This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
