remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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