I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize