that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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