just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
