Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
