I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
