I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
