i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
