they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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