Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
