I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
