You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
