So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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