Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
