Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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