Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
