I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
