Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
