the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
