Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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