belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
