You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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