More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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