in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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