Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You dont lie about slip and slides
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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