his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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