Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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