I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize