his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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