Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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