4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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